I heard we made out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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