Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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