Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Someone signed my nipple.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
