Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So squirting runs in the family.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
