i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk is not a location!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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