i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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