if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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