watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
