I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
