and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
love makes seman taste better
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
