He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
