Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
