get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
