I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
