so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
