His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
