an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
