Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
