We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
