No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
