How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
