bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
