he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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