the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
