The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The adults are the big ones right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
