made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
