How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
