was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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