false alarm. still invincible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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