i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
