you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
