i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
