his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
