You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
