Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
