How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who died my cat blue again?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
