Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
