Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
