I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
