If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
