Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize