I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
