based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
