I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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