You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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