Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
