can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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