Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
