Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
