You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
