he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
