if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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