so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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